Name That Condo!

In my line of work we drive by condominiums all day—tall ones, short ones, stout ones, ugly ones, beautiful ones—every color and design imaginable. And after a while they become a blur. They’re just like stacked boxes of cereal at your grocery store, just more expensive and less tasty. And they begin to look the same. But over the years there’s been one thing that has become clear, as pertains to condos-their homogeneous names. No matter how creative the architecture may be, the names of these zillions of condos are not. The number of condos with the word beach, river, ocean or sea in them is stunning. Check it out. We have Coral Seas, Majestic Seas, Chateau by the Sea, Sea Moon, Emerald Seas and Seaport, to name a few. Then there’s River Club, River View, River Lakes, Riverside, River Bend…And let’s not forget Ocean Woods, Ocean Mist, Oceanfront, Oceanside, Ocean Trail, Ocean Landings…need I go on?

The next thing we lawn monkeys notice regarding condo names is this; once all the beach- ocean-river-sea-wind-sand names have been exhausted, the names start appearing in a different language. It’s as if the English language has met its quota for condominium titles, and so the investors turned to the Spanish dialect for an entirely new host of names! We have Brisa del Mar, Casa del Mar, Las Olas, Costa del Sol, Siesta Lago, Mar Bleu, Casa Serena, Puerto Delrio, and so on and so forth. I don’t know what any of those words mean, but I don’t need to. I just need to know where the buildings are and how much grass they want me to mow.

In the end, as I said earlier, all condos look the same after a while. But at the very least, their names could reveal at least a modicum of imagination and originality. I’d like to see more realistic names too, like Hurricane Magnet in the Sun or Erosion Estates or Senile Villas or even Last Breath Beach Club. Those work, right? And you’d remember them, right? Maybe I’m in the wrong business. Maybe my true talent rests in condominium title designation. But until I move into one of those suckers (like never) I’ll remain on the outside, prancing about on my trusty mower!

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