Tools of the Trade

I found this relic pair of pliers while raking through a knee-high pile of sea grape leaves.


 Such an accumulation of leaves indicates quite an extensive passage of time…centuries, at least. Perhaps this tool was once used during the Iron Age as a weapon of mass destruction. Or it may have been a sophisticated tool used in ancient dental rituals.pullingteeth

The unique shape suggests exquisite workmanship, such as was displayed by the post-Rigvedic Vedic civilization.  And the metal itself could be ferrous or cast or even meteoritic. The possibilities are endless.

 Considering the historical value of these pliers, I’m certain the curators of the Smithsonian would jump at the chance to add them to their collection of antiquated gadgetry! Just think of it…Mowgirl Lawn Care would be famous, known around the world as the only lawn care company to ever discover such a rare and unusual artifact! Who would ever think such a dirty, sweaty, and lowly blue-collar job could bring one such acclaim and glory?!


And naturally, everyone would want to start a lawn business in hopes of discovering the next priceless relic. Soon Florida would be overrun by fledgling lawn care companies. And that’s not so good. My competition would be intensely stiff. I’m sure I’d be up against low ballers, and I’d lose accounts and job opportunities. It wouldn’t be long before I went bankrupt. My kids would starve to death and I’d be alone and penniless. My lawn trailer and my truck would be auctioned off, along with my mowers and all my equipment.

imagesWhat took me 20 years to establish would be lost in a mere month all because of these crappy pliers that were probably made by Craftsman. Hey, wait a tic…Craftsman has a lifetime warranty on all their tools. Sweet! I’ll head to Sears and get me a brand new Craftsman artifact! Plus I’ll be able to keep my job, run my business, feed my kids, and remain blissfully insignificant to the world.


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